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We live in a seemingly modern society yet one that treats sex in a distorted way. We only have to look at the power of the porn industry, acting almost as the main and only source of education in this area for our young people and the eternal taboos that still exist in many. For these reasons, our world needs to develop adequate sexual intelligence.
We’re referring to the type of intelligence that starts from respect for each other, honesty and knowledge. Because in an area that we label as ‘natural, such as sex, which everyone finds out about in their own way, there still exists an excess of biases, false myths, and dangerous conceptions.
We often forget that the most important organ in any sexual encounter is the brain. We overlook that prejudices and insecurities often limit the opportunity to have a fulfilling sex life. Also, that without respect for the other party, sex has no place or meaning.
Possessing sexual intelligence requires time and will. It forces us, above all, to go beyond stereotypes, certain religious beliefs, and even websites for adults. In fact, in a society that transmits such contradictory messages to us on this subject, we’re the ones who are obliged to develop adequate skills.
Great lovers are made, not born.
Keys to sexual intelligence
This data may surprise you. According to a study conducted by the University of Minnesota (USA), a significant part of the population aged between 60 and 80 years old demonstrates what experts call sexual intelligence. This competence goes beyond their own skills in the sexual act. It’s linked to aptitude, generosity, and good communication.
This highlights two key aspects. The first is that sexuality in old age can be just as enriching and rewarding as in youth. The second concerns the importance of dismantling another myth. People aren’t born good lovers, but it’s something they learn over years and with experience.
Sexual intelligence is a type of learning linked to three specific areas. Firstly, being an objective and sensitive connoisseur of everything related to sexuality. Secondly, having good self-knowledge. Finally, having the ability to connect with a partner.
Finding true satisfaction in this area requires a holistic approach. It involves accumulating learning, working on ourselves, and knowing how to create intimacy with sexual partners. We’re going to look at the components that make up sexual intelligence.
Sexual intelligence goes beyond sexual education. It doesn’t just involve knowing how to avoid STDs, it implies understanding what elements favor pleasant experiences for the couple. It means knowing how to communicate, demystify false ideas, and stop being selfish.
Objective and demystified knowledge about sexuality
It’s great that teens are taught in high school about sexual health diseases (STDs) and how to prevent them. It’s also positive that they’re provided with information on how to avoid unwanted pregnancies. However, this knowledge, although important, has little to do with sexual intelligence.
True sexual intelligence is linked to the following:
- Knowing that you have the right to enjoy your own sexuality, whatever it may be, freely. Without anyone submitting or forcing you. You own your body and you decide what you want and what you don’t want at any given moment.
- You have the right to know your body without shame. Also, to enjoy relationships without fear and feeling limited by insecurities.
- Sexual intelligence involves acquiring knowledge about sexual practices in order to deactivate myths and prejudices in this area. Indeed, there’s nothing negative in informing yourself about this subject so long as you do it in a respectful way.
Sexual intelligence and self-awareness
Everyone has a sexual fingerprint, so to speak. Discovering it, knowing what you like, what incites your fantasies, desires, and needs facilitates your relationships with other people. Just as it’s important to ‘discover yourself’ in order to have a more pleasant sexual life, you also need to know your boundaries.
What you don’t like, what bothers you and doesn’t feel right for you is also something you should tell your sexual partners. Past experiences often come into play here, those that are sometimes enriching and at others traumatic. Learning from what you’ve experienced and understanding how you are is essential to achieving adequate sexual intelligence.
The connection, the game of intimacy
We could say that the most powerful ingredient of sexual intelligence is intimacy. It’s the bond that brings you closer to your partner in a free and curious way. It starts from authentic respect for your partner, added to your desire to connect with them in every possible way.
It’s favoring an emotional, mental, and sexual approach, knowing what your partner wants, what they need, and what they like. Being sexually intelligent also implies putting selfishness aside, and taking care of the pleasure of your partner. Communication is key.
Knowing how to communicate without shame and without fear, opening yourself up emotionally, and revealing your desires and thoughts, feeds the game of sexuality, and also of love. In fact, we should all qualify ourselves in this art that’s not learned in schools, that’s almost always veiled in our society, and that’s only acquired with experience, responsibility, and sufficient emotional maturity.
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