Emotional responsibility means taking charge, not only of your behavior but also of what you think and feel. In short, of your own existence.
Throughout your life, when you interact with others, most of the time youâre actually talking about yourself. Even though you probably think that youâre talking about them.
Furthermore, you tend to place in others those feelings youâre not prepared to assume yourself. In other words, you project yourself and assign the responsibility for how you feel to others.
Therefore, what you see in others, can, in effect, be a true reflection of whatâs happening to you. Their exterior speaks to you and serves as a mirror.
âThe greatest day in your life and mind is when we take total responsibility for our attitudes. Thatâs the day we truly grow up.â
-John C. Maxwell-
âYouâre responsible for how I feelâ (personal projection)
Youâre used to holding others responsible for your own emotions. At the same time, you tend to take responsibility for how others feel.
Therefore, if someone around you doesnât feel good, you feel responsible and try to do something about it, as if you have the ability to solve their suffering.
On the contrary, when youâre the one who feels bad, you place the responsibility for that feeling on outside circumstances. For instance, another person or a situation.
The need to take control
Taking responsibility for the emotions of others can place a great burden on your own development. In the same way, itâs just as irresponsible to try and displace your own personal discomfort by projecting it onto others.
- You must shape your emotional responsibility in order to take control of everything that happens to you. In this respect, the Department of Cognitive Neuroscience at University College, London (UK) conducted a study that demonstrated when we apply this strategy, we improve our psychological health.
- You probably often find yourself saying things likeâYou make me angryâ or âYou make me feel badâ. If so, itâs time to learn to manage your anger, jealousy, rage, and sadness. Youâll find the answers inside you.
Stop looking outside yourself. Look inside and youâll continue to grow.
Indeed, if you donât take charge of your emotions, nobody else will.
However, this doesnât mean that you should stop expressing yourself and saying how you feel about others. As a matter of fact, it means you take responsibility for how you feel. Hence, instead of handing over your well-being or discomfort to others, grab the reins yourself. Take charge.
Accept your negative emotions but take charge of them
You have as much right to be upset about something thatâs happened as anyone else. By taking charge of these emotions, the situation will improve.
Thatâs because youâll find yourself in a process of discovery and personal growth. Â Furthermore, each discomfort that arises, whether in relation to others or with your own situation, will be an opportunity to continue to get to know yourself.
Otherwise, youâll always be at the mercy of others and your circumstances. In fact, of everything, except yourself.
For this reason, when youâre giving an opinion or criticizing someone, try to be a little more aware of what youâre saying. Indeed, most of the time, what youâre expressing tends to exist within you and you identify with it.
You have the emotional responsibility to understand how you feel
First, you need to understand that thereâs a possibility that youâre projecting yourself onto others. This isnât easy to accept.
Furthermore, you must accept the fact that you tend to resist taking responsibility for your own reactions.
We should emphasize that being responsible is rather different from being held responsible. Being responsible doesnât mean that youâre the culprit or the cause of an event. Instead, responsibility implies assuming yourself as an active subject and not a mere object of the will and power that youâve handed over to another.
âYou can feel anger, sadness, or rage due to different circumstances that arise in your life. You shouldnât reject or avoid these circumstances, but accept them and see what you can do with them. Remember, above all, youâre responsible for yourself. â
When you take responsibility, you take on everything that belongs to you. You own your own feelings, thoughts, actions, and the consequences of them.
Once youâre aware of your own emotional reality, you can work with your internal universe to continue evolving and growing. However, keep in mind that this isnât easy. Often, youâll find yourself in contradictory situations, since your ego really likes to protect itself.
However, you might find this process of self-discovery to be rather beautiful. Youâll find all of your affirmations and self-deceptions that youâre finally able to integrate within yourself.
An activity to work on your emotional responsibility
There are specific techniques that can help you hold yourself more accountable for what you feel. One of them is to identify which emotion youâve been experiencing most in the last few days. Have you felt happy? Irritable? Sad?
After youâve identified it, analyze this emotional state by asking yourself the following questions in the proposed order:
- Whatâs making you feel that way? In this way, youâll be able to get to know yourself a little more and youâll know how to identify what specific stimuli provoke certain emotions in you.
- How can you control it so that it allows you to improve, both with yourself and others? Answering this question will help you manage your emotions in the most appropriate way.
- If your emotion is negative, ask yourself, how can you modify it? By answering this question, youâll be able to reflect on the role that each emotion plays in you. Then, you can modify your emotional universe in such a way that youâre able to express feelings and attitudes more in line with the situation.
- How can you understand the emotions of others without judging them? The ideal would be to ask yourself this question every time you see yourself as holding someone else responsible for whatâs happened to you. Or, when you believe youâre responsible for the emotions of others. Finally, remember that, in order to understand others, itâs essential to work on your empathic skills.
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