When problems arise in your life, you might have the tendency to ask, “Why me?” Indeed, it’s too easy to think how unfair life is and put yourself in the role of the victim. “I’m a good person” you may say. “I always help others. It’s so unfair!”

However, asking “Why me?” achieves very little. In fact, all that happens is that you get bogged down in your worries and immersed in a spiral of thoughts and emotions that ends up wearing you down.

For this reason, you should stop asking yourself “Why me?” Instead, find out why. Because, when you start to see your setbacks as learning opportunities, your well-being increases.

Of course, there are certain events, like illnesses or accidents, that are completely out of your control. However, you still have the freedom to decide how to deal with them.

Why put obstacles in the way?

When you discover why something happened, you change from being a victim to a learner. As we’ve said, fixating on the “Why me?” question doesn’t allow you to move forward or learn. However, discovering why it happened lets you regain control and take back the reins of your life. You recognize that you’re free.

Imagine a person who repeatedly fails at work. They’re intelligent, they’ve studied, and they’re perfectly capable of succeeding. However, they’ve been unemployed for a while.

“Why me?” they ask. “I’m intelligent, I’ve studied and worked so hard. Yet some people haven’t even studied and they have better jobs than me. I don’t seem to have any friends either. Why doesn’t anyone call me?” With this kind of approach, they end up trapped in a never-ending circle with no escape. Furthermore, the answers to their questions never come.

However, if they adopted a different attitude, they could ask themselves “How can I learn from this?” instead. There might be several answers. For example, look in different directions, retrain, spend more time with family, or travel. In fact, by adopting this kind of attitude, they’re up to speed and ready and willing to seize any opportunity that comes their way.

When you establish why something happened, you stop yourself from falling into the trap of being a victim of circumstance or inertia. Because, in reality, many problems occur due to the well-known “self-fulfilling prophecy”. Indeed, if you think that nothing ever goes right for you and you’re always unlucky, you probably will be.

What can you control?

When you accept why something happened, you’re also accepting responsibility for it. However, don’t forget that there will always be certain things that are completely out of your control.

You can make a change at any time. Take the earlier example. This person should maybe stop trying to find the perfect job and accept a less ambitious one. They might find that taking this first step is the hardest but it’s the only way they’ll ultimately reach their goal.

Knowing where your actions might lead you in the future is essential for you to start making changes. If there’s something you can do today, do it! Otherwise, you might find that something, be it life, chance, or inertia, gets in your way.

The Culture of Victim Mentality

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